During the Tang Dynasty, in the city of Luzhou there was a farming family of five generations living under the same roof. When Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty led an army to suppress a rebellion in Bingzhou, he made a stop at the farmer's home. The Emperor called all the elder members of the family and asked them, "What is the secret to having five generations living under the same roof?" The farmers replied, "We have nothing special other than all being tolerant." Upon hearing these wise words the emperor commended them.
In Zhang Gongyi's family, nine generations were living together. The Emperor Gaozong of the Tang Dynasty (Son of the Emperor Taizong) went to his home in person and asked him what the key was to have nine generation living together. Zhong Gongyi replied to him by writing the character, "Tolerance." The Emperor was moved to tears, and rewarded him with many silks and satins.
In the book Yuan's Paradigms of Behaviour it says that, "For those families that have lived harmoniously for a long time, the fundamental reason is being tolerant. However, things can go wrong even more if one only passively tolerates without knowing how to tolerate. Some people practise tolerance as hiding anger in their hearts when they are offended, but that can only work a couple of times. When the grievance is accumulated to a certain point and breaks out, like a flood shattering the dike, it can't be held back. It is better to let go of one's anger at the time, not to be concerned by it, thinking that person didn't do it on purpose, or that person was ignorant or it was accidental [putting oneself in the others' shoes' editor], not to care in one's heart about the person or the matter, thinking ˜even if he offends me ten times a day, I will not show grievance in my language or unhappiness in my look.' Only this is real tolerance."
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