Cultivation Experience Through Ten Years of Practice

I am a Dafa disciple in Frankfurt, Germany. I came to Germany in 1992. Being abroad I had not heard of Falun Gong or the persecution after 20th of July 1999. In 2004 I watched a Dafa introduction video at a good friend’s house in the United States. My first impression was that there was nothing wrong with “Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance”. I felt at ease following these principles. So I bought Zhuan Falun and some recent articles from the friend and learned the exercises.

Pass the test of lust
In the beginning of cultivation, I did not know what cultivation was, or that I needed to study the Fa often. I sometimes listened to Master’s lectures, but rarely did the exercises. One day I found that since I had read Zhuan Falun, I would think about the Fa Master taught every day, mulling over the principles.

At that time I had a strong attachment to the love between men and women. I also knew very well that without passing this test I could not truly begin cultivation. I hesitated for nearly two years, asking myself, “I’m still young. Can I let go?” Finally one day I realised, sex is not a major part of my life. I did not come here for this. So my mind was suddenly clear and I let go of the attachment. Later, in a few tests in dreams, I remembered well those tests that I didn’t pass after waking up. I remembered what Master said in Zhuan Falun, “…one will regret it very much upon waking from sleep. Perhaps this mentality and state of mind will reinforce your thoughts about it. When the issue again arises, you will be able to control yourself and pass the test.” I made more efforts to get rid of this kind of thought karma.

Once when I was indulging in fantasy, suddenly one sentence appeared in my mind, “Isn’t everything made of matter?” (Zhuan Falun). I immediately realised that these thoughts were my karma, which I had to get rid of. So these thoughts immediately disappeared, it was really amazing. It was Master who helped me clear up these interferences, eliminating a huge amount of karma like a mountain in other dimensions.

Pass the test of sickness karma
Before cultivation I often suffered from neck and shoulder pain from working on computers. In cold weather I would have haemorrhoids. Every time I went back to China I would go for a massage, but at work the neck and shoulder pain would soon return. Sometimes when I woke up in the morning, my little fingers were numb. At the start of cultivation, I was not diligent in Fa study or doing the exercises, and there was no obvious change in my health. Once, a period of mine lasted more than three months, and each day there was a huge amount of bleeding. During that time, my complexion was scarily pale. Not reflecting on the Fa, I went to see a gynaecologist. The doctor did not come up with anything and suggested curettage. I thought, though it would solve the problem now, it would not take care of the cause of my bleeding.

So I decided to pass on the surgery. A few days after the decision, the bleeding suddenly stopped. In retrospect, though I did not enlighten in terms of cultivation, I did not blindly believe in modern medicine. It was Master who helped me pass this test. But during these tests, we have to make our own decisions.

Because my child was young, she would get up almost every night and come into our bed. I could not sleep well. I was so tired that when driving to work during the day time, I would want to close my eyes to rest whenever I saw red lights. So I started half an hour of sitting meditation every day. Soon I was no longer so tired. I experienced the magic power of the practice.

There are also many different stages of passing the sickness karma test. Once I introduced Falun Gong to some of my Westerner friends. They asked me to give them a demonstration at a weekend getaway place. I agreed. A few days before starting out, I suddenly appeared to come down with a bad cold. I thought at the time that I needed to get rid of the attachment to holidays. So I stayed at home to rest. Later when I talked to these friends again about Falun Gong and Shen Yun, they kept silent. Although I knew I did not do well, I did not enlighten to the reason. Later I realised it was the old forces’ interference, while I had let this interference stop me from saving people. I was thinking like an ordinary person that when one is sick, one needs to rest.

Master said in 20th Anniversary Fa Teaching, “With the things that Dafa disciples are supposed to do, there exists a process that progresses forward. When this time period has passed, it’s over. If then, in hindsight, you find that you didn’t do certain things well, there will be no opportunity to make it up. Of course, cultivation has not ended yet and you can keep doing the things that Dafa disciples should do, and make sure that you do well with whatever lies ahead. So in that sense, there are still many opportunities ahead and time to do things. However, if there are a lot of things you haven’t done well, then you really will be left with a great deal of regret.”

I regret that I stepped out too late to keep up with the Fa rectification process, and the resulting losses. So I will walk even better the cultivation and Fa validation path now and in the future.

Before this year’s Shen Yun performance began, sickness karma manifested a few times, such as a cold, the sudden re-appearance of previously disappeared dandruff in large amounts, and several haemorrhoids. But by that time I was able to realise that those were old forces’ interference, trying to stop me from selling tickets. I denied those arrangements, doing what I had to do, as if nothing happened. Sure enough, within a few days, those phenomena would significantly weaken, or immediately disappear. Through this, I understood one aspect of denying the old forces arrangements.

Let go of the attachment to personal gain
My husband is German. In 2006, he learned that Falun Gong practitioners suffered brutal persecution in China. Out of fear and unwillingness to affect our child’s future development in China, he prevented me from going out to do Dafa things. In 2010, he stopped me from helping to promote Shen Yun. Because I was not in touch with fellow practitioners then, I did not know about the Fa rectification process. I reluctantly accepted. In 2011 my husband proposed separation. I moved out with our child and gained more freedom.

The separation meant that my husband and I had to come to an agreement about our child’s upkeep and finances. Over this almost one-year period, I thought a lot about family, about personal gain, about face and so on. The payment my husband promised me from the beginning became 40% less after a one-month holiday. He rudely said to me, “Why did not you sign earlier? You can also get a lawyer.” I was shocked. I felt angry, wronged and worried. But I had a thought that I did not want to hate him. I just wanted to end the relationship. Master said, “love is emotion, and hatred is emotion” “So there are a lot of attachments that are derived from emotion, and we have to really care less about them, and at some point finally let go of them all.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

The reduction in alimony made me worry about my retirement. After racking my brains, I realised that this was because I did not approach the matter from a practitioner’s perspective, but rather from an ordinary person’s point of view and out of the attachment to protecting myself. When I reached the understanding based on the Fa, I let go of the attachment to personal gain. At that time, not hating my husband became easy. But I still pointed out what he did was wrong.

Since then whenever I could not let go of any personal gain, I would think of the principle Master taught in Zhuan Falun: “If something is yours, you will not lose it. If something is not yours, you will not have it even if you fight for it.”

This year my parents and brother’s family came to Germany for a visit. There were a lot of expenses, which I took the initiative to pay, be it something that my parents wanted to buy, or even their gifts for relatives and friends. Mum mentioned several times, “We came here ten years ago, when you were not separated. Your financial situation was better then, but you are a lot more generous now.” They were happy about my current situation, and accepted that it was a blessing brought by Dafa. They also understood cultivation practice better.

Look inward
In 2011, I attended the Fa conference in Washington DC. That was my first time seeing Master. My reverence was beyond analogy. Although I could not see other dimensions, I deeply felt Master’s compassion, no words could describe it. Master’s lecture made me realise that there were two major issues in my cultivation: firstly, my belief in Master and the Fa was not firm enough, and secondly, I had a too human mentality. When I saw my problems, I made a choice: I will believe in Master and the Fa, and let go of my human mentality. After returning to Germany, I decided to participate in large group Fa study every week. Finally I came out and took part in Shen Yun promotion.

In the beginning, I talked a lot at promotion sites, but customers did not buy any tickets. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me. When practitioners shared, they talked about looking inward, finding their own attachments, and becoming more diligent. At that time I was very surprised. Later, through a great deal of Fa study, I learned the importance of looking inward. But looking inward was not something that made me feel comfortable. So when problems arose, I looked inward but at the same time mainly passed the blame onto someone else. It was not until I was conned out of a relatively large sum of money online that I discovered my outward-lookingness and unwillingness to take any responsibility.

I was the only person involved throughout the incident. This time I was not able to pass the blame onto anyone else. I realised my problem of not wanting to look inward had become very serious. A few days later there was a large group Fa study. Despite how reluctant I was, I had a clear thought of sharing this experience in the big group. I had let go of the loss of money then and my mind was calm. But when I finished talking about it in the large group, tears suddenly gushed out. On the human side, I could not explain it. I thought this was because my divine side knew that Master had shouldered a lot for me. Two weeks later, the conned money together with other interests was returned to me in full.

Whenever I read this passage in Fa Teaching on World Falun Dafa Day, “Whom Master teaches are precisely you, these disciples of Dafa. You are being cleansed, being tempered to maturity, and made ready to save sentient beings,” my heart was full of infinite gratitude to Master.

Let go of the attachment to sentimentality, cultivate selflessness
Master told us in Zhuan Falun, “We should treat everyone in the same way. We must be good to our parents and children and be considerate of others in all respects. Such a heart is thus unselfish, and it is a heart of kindness and benevolence.”

This year my parents came to Germany to visit us. I very much hoped that they would study the Fa more in this period, and cultivate more diligently. But because I had not let go of the sentimentality for family, I came across as impatient a few times. My family refused and we ended up in arguments. Meanwhile, regarding my child’s education I caused many conflicts by insisting on my own way. My mum criticised me that my educational approach was way too strong. I also found in myself the deep-rooted remains of the “Party culture”.

While sending forth righteous thoughts after a large group Fa study session, I suddenly realised that I was too attached to being right, and instilled into my family the principles that I enlightened to. The starting point was the strong “I” and “selfishness”. Master wanted us to cultivate to “selflessness”. And this exposed the fundamental attachment to “I”. As a result I did not know other people’s feelings or thoughts. A lot was said eventually to no avail, which was also the biggest obstacle I encountered in Shen Yun promotion. At this point I made a wish from the bottom of my heart: I would try to cultivate “selflessness”. At that time my tears fell continuously. For a long time I could not be calm.

We are lives created by Dafa. Cultivation is our path to return to our original, true selves. With this “selfishness” how can we enter into the new universe? It is the most righteous path that Master led us down on. What is waiting for us is the most extraordinary realm. What can we not let go of?

Enlightenment from urging people to quit the CCP
Before my notion was that as my German is good, I’d prefer to clarify the truth to Germans, thus hiding my fear of clarifying the truth to Chinese people. In recent years Master has repeatedly mentioned in lectures the need to save precious Chinese people. Shouldn’t we do whatever Master wants? There are a large number of Chinese tourists each day in Frankfurt. After this year’s Shen Yun performance, I started going to tourist attractions to clarify the truth. I also consciously urged friends and relatives around me to quit the CCP.

But the problem I encountered was that many intellectuals were under the heavy influence of atheism. Although they supported the Dafa principles of “Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance” and also knew the evil CCP’s crimes, they thought as non-Party members there was no need for them to quit the Communist Youth League or the Young Pioneers. Because of the limited number of people quitting, I started doubting my ability to clarify the truth, and getting attached to the success rate of urging people to quit.

During the most recent large group Fa study, we read Touring North America to Teach the Fa. I read this paragraph several times: “As long as a person isn’t against Dafa, he can make it through the danger of being weeded out when the Fa rectifies the human world. As for those beings who haven’t tried to damage the Fa but that aren’t good, or not so good, right now we don’t do anything about them. The reason is, in the next stage there will still be people who do cultivation practice, and the sentient beings in the next stage will still need to position themselves while the Fa rectifies the human world. Right now the focus of our salvation is on those people whose minds have been poisoned by the evil’s lies. Those extremely evil beings that are eliminated as we save sentient beings are only targeted because they damage the Fa. There are many other beings who are at the same level as them but who haven’t tried to damage the Fa, and who haven’t taken part in this affair--do nothing about them. Why? The next stage of Fa-rectification is also going to be an opportunity for those who haven’t tried to damage the Fa. And at the same time, the people of the next stage will still need to cultivate themselves. These things are part of the next stage.”

I re-evaluated the relationship between quitting the CCP and clarifying the truth. Clarifying the truth is of the utmost importance, the duty of us Dafa disciples. Quitting the CCP is the choice people make after having learned the truth, positioning their future. We cannot make that decision for them. While clarifying the truth, I need to let go of various attachments. If we do not do well in cultivation, it will affect people getting saved.

On the path of cultivation over a decade, I have changed my view of the world, the way I get along with people, my habits and so on. Staggering along test after test, I cultivated bit by bit. Looking back there was bitterness during tests, but greater was the pleasure after improvement. Finally, let’s encourage one another with Master’s poem:

Solid Cultivation
Study Fa, obtain Fa,
Compare in studying, compare in cultivating,
Examine each and every deed,
Accomplishing is cultivating.

Due to my limited level, please kindly point out anything inappropriate.

Thank you Master, thank you fellow practitioners.